Quiz time

Just got back from Dutch lessons and biking at night wakes me up so I need something to calm me down before I go to bed. So here's a quiz/questionaire stolen from Amanda.

1) What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name? I actually love my name, I just wish my family would call me by my full name (Cassandra) and not the short version (Cassie).

2) What was your worst date (as in going out on a date, not an actual calendar date…unless you have a really bad one to share)? Hmmmmm. Worst date. Man there have been a lot of bad ones and laughable ones. I've had so many first dates I dont even remember them all. Off the top of my head is a guy I met through an internet date site. First, he didnt look like his picture (they never do). He did bring me a rose, but it looked like he swiped it from a bouquet at the grocery store and didnt actually pay for it or anything. We went to a pub that was jam packed and we couldnt get a table for food, so after a couple beers we left. We went down the block to a restaurant for food. The food was good but by then I had waited so long for it that I had a headache and I was nauseous and could barely force it down. While we were waiting for the food and talking he started singing a Tool song in an acapella voice. Really loud. It was embarrassing. Then on the T ride (subway in Boston) home he tried to kiss me. Not a good idea since the T has a habit of stopping abruptly or lurching forward. I think I got off the T at my stop and he didnt. He called and e-mailed a couple times and I tried to tell him it wasnt going to work but he didnt take no for an answer initially. The singing part is the part that stand out. It was a quiet, upscale restaurant. I'm not a fan of being serenaded with acapella versions of metal songs in upscale restaurants....

3) If you had to teach one subject in high school or college, what would it be? Biology for sure!

4) When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? The other day at home alone watching TV. Some commercial reminded me of something and I just couldnt stop laughing. I might not be sane.

5) What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you? Hmmm. Again, tough choice. A Lot of people have done kind things for me over the years. My best friend Anne and her husband have driven up to Boston from Connecticut (~100 miles) to help me move on several occasions - in Boston this usually involves carrying everything down 3 flights of twisty stairs then up 3 flights. I always lived on 3rd floors. This past winter a co-worker drove me to the airport when there was so much snow that the trains and the buses werent running and the roads were dangerous. It involved an overnight stay and his boyfriend cooked us a wonderful meal.

6) If money or skill-set was no issue, what would you love to do for a living? I think I'd still be a scientist. Maybe a nature photographer or a ceramicist.

7) What is one thing as an adult/parent/spouse you do that you swore you would never do? Well I'm not a spouse or a parent and I cant really think of anything that I do as an adult that I'd swore i'd never do as a child. I think this question applies more to parents.

8) If you could go back to one particular time in your life (not to live, not to change anything, just to visit) when would it be? When I was a toddler and learning to read. Apparently I taught myself to read (with Mom's help) at the age of 3 and I was quite the bright and inquisitive child. I've never lost my curiosity, but I'd love to see what I was like when I discovered (quite possibly) the most important skill of my entire life. And my most cherished.

9) If your walls could talk, what would they say about you (good & bad)? They would say that I'm sad and depressed and lonely and I need to clean my apartment more often and get out more often. They would also say I waste far too much time on the internet. Oh and they might have a good laugh about how often I dance in my underwear or naked to music.

10) If you could fix or put an end to one problem in the world what would it be? I agree with Amanda on this one: Wastefulness. Lets not ruin our beautiful planet.

Expat life

Posting more pictures that didnt make it onto the official 365 Project as my picture of the day. Might actually make this a weekly event. It's keeping me more active in blogging than ever before. So if I have the time, I'll try every Sunday.


Not entirely sure when I took this picture on my mobile phone, but I just learned how to download picts from my mobile onto my computer this week. They are glass plate spreaders I made by melting glass in a bunsen burner flame. I'd never done this before so they are a bit uneven. Ah well, it was fun.









Feb 14: Sunday morning coffee with my new china set from the Hema. I bought this with my giftcard from the University as my Christmas present to myself. Totally fell in love with this pattern. Wish I could afford the entire set of dishes.










Sepia version













An egg boiling in water. Thought the ripples in the water were cool.












Feb 15: Bunnies at night with Lazer Eyes. They always come out at night! There are bunches of them living near the bushes around the infection unit.











Feb 18: Lichen on the Vet School. Another shot taken with my mobile phone.











Feb 21: Fog in the morning. Woke up to a world hiding in fog.












Also, a note on trying to focus on the positive aspects of being an expat: it's not easy when the citizens of the country you live in dislike immigrants. The overt racism and poor treatment of non-Dutch people really really bothers me. I wish I could let it go or let it roll off my back and not bother me, but I cant. Last night I was with a couple other expats and we waited in line to get into this restaurant/bar that has dancing at night in Utrecht (called Havana Club - the food is not Cuban but they try) and we were denied admission b/c none of us were Dutch. I'm pretty sure this is illegal. I may have gotten all angry-obnoxious-drunk american and yelled some not nice things at the bouncers.... I shouldnt have done that but I was so angry. We were dressed properly and we were a bunch of good looking people and this is Utrecht! Not effing New York city or LA. This was not an issue of us not fitting in with the beautiful people. This was us being blatantly discriminated against b/c only one of us spoke Dutch (not me). I've heard stories of Moroccan or African or people looking like they are Moroccan or African getting rejected from clubs, but I never heard of people being rejected just for being foreigners. And I'm a legal effing resident. I pay their high taxes just like everyone else. I was quite upset over this so I ended up just going home.
On my bike ride home a vehicle driving behind me started beeping and the driver yelling at me so I waved at it to pass. It didnt pass, it just kept beeping. Since I was already quite angry I did another typical American thing and pulled my bike over and flipped the bird at the driver. So the guy pulled up next to me and started shouting at me in Dutch. I yelled back "Het spijt me, ik spreekt geen Nederlands, spreekt u Engels?" (i'm sorry, i dont speak Dutch, do you speak English?) And then he shouted at me something about being an ignorant foreigner and not knowing the language who bikes too slow and i'm rude and something about arresting me. I shouted back that I'm a kennismigrant and therefore not required to learn Dutch. There was more arguing about me not being able to speak Dutch and he kept saying something about having me arrested if i didnt calm down. Eventually I just said i'm sorry ive had a bad night you're right. And he drove off. In my drunkenness I thought he might have been the police b/c the van looked like a police van. But he was not. I cried the entire bike ride home. Like hysterical crying. I'm surprised I didnt crash my bike - I was basically biking without seeing anything.

Ive spent the entire day today annoyed at myself and annoyed at the people in this country. Being angry and annoyed is not going to help me to adjust or have a happy life here. But at the same time if I bottle it all up inside then its just going to come bursting out like it did last night. I'm going to have to find some constructive way to deal with this.

more 365 outtakes

I love my Cannon PowerShot SD700 IS Digital Elph but being a part of Project 365 has awakened the artist in me and I now want, with all my heart and soul, a digital SLR and a tripod. I blame my father for introducing me to SLR's with multiple lenses and tripods as a child. His amateur (and he's good!) photography habit really rubbed off on me. Seeing all of the amazing pictures on 365project.org makes my heart ache for a better camera. I vow to drink one less beer every week until I have one! Too bad I do not think this will happen before I go to Tel Aviv. But it is my new goal!

Oh, and here are some outtakes.


Feb 6, 2010
Found wandering Utrecht City. What are they doing to that poor boy?
















Feb 6, 2010
At the Xenos.
Make sure to have all your 2-foot ducks in a row!
I should have gotten something else in the shot for size comparison.









Feb 9, 2010
Dizzy stairs at the Medical School of UMC Utrecht.
















Feb 10, 2010
Ice on my office window.

365 out-takes

My desire to have awesome pictures everyday for project 365 is taking up a lot of my time! Especially when i get absorbed in trying to capture something difficult. Was inspired last night by another girl's self-portrait 365 (info here and here) and a little jealous of her superior equipment and skills.
Anyway here are some outtakes from the last couple of days of pictures that didnt make the cut as "official picture of the day."

January

I have had a really tough January. Possibly the worst January ever. Not a good way to start a year for sure. First, I had to leave my friends behind in New England, again, knowing that their lives are changing so rapidly I may not "know" them the next time I am able to see them. After I got back to the Netherlands I have been incredibly homesick and depressed. Then I got actually physically sick, twice. First a viral URI (possibly the flu, I thought I was dying), then a week after getting better I was socked with a bacterial sinus infection that moved into my ears. Ugh. I have not had otitis media since I was a kid. It hurts! Meanwhile all of my experiments went wrong. Either b/c i did something wrong or because of equipment that malfunctioned or parameters we were unaware of (such as European mice being colonized in their nose with bacteria of the same type that I work with) - so basically a giant waste of time and money. I've worked every weekend in Jan. I've had to cancel plans with friends new and old thanks to working weekends and being sick. A little hard to cure my loneliness and depression if I cannot even have a social life in the first place.
The icing on this shitty cake was this past friday my mom called me, my Grandma had died that day. This was my dad's mom. My dad's parents live in Texas for the winters, so no one was even down there for it. My parents and aunt were actually on their way down since we knew it was coming. She had a stroke before Christmas. The cause of the stroke was cancer on her spinal cord. She was paralyzed after the stroke. Not a good way to live life when you are that old. I spoke to her on the phone on Christmas (everyone did), so at least I got to tell her Europe was going good and so was my PhD. She was a survivor of breast cancer so it was pretty amazing that she lived this long anyway. - And I'm pretty sure it happened before I was born so that would be pre-1980's which makes her survival even more amazing. I was not as close to her as my mom's parents, but she was still a wonderful Grandma. On a side note, it's been a little over a year since my Uncle Tom died of brain cancer, so this side of the family is not having a good January for sure either. My poor Aunt, first her husband, now her mother. I hope that she is ok. It's very hard to be so far away from family and not be able to be there at times like these.

In order to get past this horrible month I have decided that tomorrow, February 1, is a new new year for me. It will be a fresh start. A better year. This January will be put behind me. From now on, things will get better. To commemorate this fresh start I've joined the 365 Project and I'll start tomorrow (you can find me here). From tomorrow onwards I'll take a picture and post it every day. I'll focus on ex-pat life and try to focus on good things. And I'll work on my photography skills. Once upon a time, I studied visual arts as my minor in high school and college and I took "old school" photography classes. I've even won awards. I really miss that connection to art - taking the picture, developing the film, deciding which pictures deserved to be printed, processing the print - i miss it all. I dont have any fancy camera equipment here, just my "point-and-shoot" digital camera, so I'm going to push that to the limit. See how far a hand-held can take me. And maybe if I have a little extra monies, I'll get myself a decent SLR, we'll see.

Hooray for tomorrow! Now, I have to get to the lab and do some work.

broken

Well, I think this may be my biggest "New Year Resolutions" failure ever. It's not even the end of January and I've managed to not follow my resolutions at all. I've been rather depressed here in the Netherlands and not at all positive or trying to find equilibrium. I cant manage to stay happy here for any length of time. I've come to the conclusion that if you have problems in your life, moving to a new country does not solve them. Hard lesson, but important. I'm not giving up though, that's not me. I dont give up. I may take a negativity detour, but I dont give up. I'll keep on, eventually I'll make progress and happiness will happen. Or I'll be dead. Either way, problem solved.

To try and help myself get back on track, I'm posting my favorite picture from 2009. Oddly enough, taken here in the Netherlands. It's true, I have a love/hate relationship with this place. I hope this picture will remind me that things can be good here. And maybe I'll join that 365 thing where you take a picture every day. If I do it will be in Feb, I'm really not a start in the middle type of person. I like to start things at proper times like the beginning of the week or month.

2009 Knit FO parade

Well, I managed to knit way more than I thought I did. There are a couple "Finished Objects" that I did not include b/c even though they are blocked, they arent right in some way or the other so I need to rip them out an re-start. Earlier tonight I was looking at all my stuff that I had "unpacked" or rather, taken out of my suitcases, and I was thinking of all the things I wanted to do instead of putting my stuff away. Some people like to organize and clean. I am not one of those people. I like to procrastinate. What I really wanted to do was get out a ball of yarn, wind it up, and start a project for myself. Instead, I spent nearly 2 hours making a photo collage of my finished knitted 2009 objects. Sigh, there has to be a better way to make collages than photoshop. Or I need to learn the tricks to do it quicker.

So that knitting tally is: 1 ball of yarn dyed and 20 objects: 1 baby bib, 1 pr baby booties, 1 pair wrist warmers, 2 pairs socks, 4 adult hats, 1 baby hat, 2 beer cozies, 2 stoles, 1 shawlette, 2 blankets, 3 coasters, 1 bunny toy.

2009 wrap up

Wow it's already Jan 1, 2010. Figured I may as well do the year end wrap up Ive done now for the last two years. In case you want to keep track, here is 2008 and 2007. I have to admit, this year has been a bit of a blur, so there may be some things that I have forgotten!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Moved to a new country/continent; drank alcohol at 9 am local time (it was 4 am "my time"); wrote a masters thesis.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't really have resolutions last year, but I have been really bad about getting sleep since I moved to Utrecht. I will make resolutions this year. They are: learn to speak Dutch; complain/worry less about being single; find my equilibrium in the Netherlands - get my confidence back; find the joy in life again.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My best friend Anne (and her husband) gave birth to Noah.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Uncle Tom died of brain cancer.

5. What countries did you visit?
USA, Netherlands. (Kinda Ireland too, I had a beer in the airport there on my layover). No new countries though ):

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Stability. A significant other.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My sister's wedding, the day I moved to the Netherlands, the day Noah Serrell-Dube was born, the 12 days Kevin visited me in Utrecht.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health with a Master of Health Sciences in Molecular Microbiology and Immunology.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I finished knitting a couple things I have not yet seamed.....

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Oh yes. After moving to the Netherlands i've been sick with all sorts of crazy things. I'll spare the details.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Dutch bike. My Obermeyer winter coat.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My co-worker who let me crash at his place when the trains weren't running and drove me to the airport in a huge snow storm.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Lots of Americans - in general. Many random Dutchies.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Moving. Rent. Moving. Air tickets.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving to Europe. Meeting Noah.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
First taste by Triggerfinger

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?
Sadder, thinner, more debt but also more spending money due to a steady paycheck.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Seen the USA. Seen the Netherlands in the summer.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worry.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my family in Illinois.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I have fallen completely in love with baby Noah. I told him I wont be having kids for at least 5 more years, so he can be the love of my life.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
In the States I watched Lost, Deadliest Catch, How the Earth was Made, South Park. In the Netherlands I watch Weeds and Californication.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope, no hate.

25. What was the best book you read?
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Triggerfinger!! Them Crooked Vultures!

27. What did you want and get?
I'm drawing a blank here

28. What did you want and not get?
too many things this year

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
didnt see many films this year. But I did see some amazing ones this past week: Avatar, 500 Days of Summer, Up, District 9. Also saw Old Boy for the first time, pretty mind-blowing.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 27. It was pretty crappy. I didnt do anything. My sister's wedding was the day before and no one was interested in me. Wouldnt even drive me to the train station so I could go downtown Chicago. No cake either. Why bother? - they had cake the day before at her wedding.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Feeling like I belong somewhere in this world.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Same as 2007-2009: Wear whatever doesnt make me look like a pudgeball - it involved lots of black.

33. What kept you sane?
I'm pretty sure I lost my sanity this year

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
No one really

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Marriage equality - no reason the States should discriminate. Immigration rights. Now that I'm an Expatriate/Immigrant these things are important for me.

36. Who did you miss?
My friends who are not in the same country as me. My Grampa.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Why?
I met so many new people!! - I cant pick just one! Brent has been awesome for teaching me Dutch; Sue and Tamara live in my building and are great neighbors; the knitters on tuesdays have listened to my immigration woes and offered advice; my Dutch office-mates Eveleine, Marieke, and Axel help me with cultural integration; co-workers Wouter, Bas, Bart, Claudia are fun to drink with; Andras has helped me with all the Dutch animal experimentation laws, regulations, and paperwork; and I reconnected with Kevin after loosing touch for over a year - he really helped me through the bad times when I first moved.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Life as an immigrant is like a sine wave: it's in constant motion, there are very high highs and very low lows and you can flux between the two states very rapidly.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I dont have a song lyric, but I do have a quote I've been thinking about (Amanda posted it on her blog a while back). "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my own ship" ~Louisa May Alcott.