the needle tears a hole

I hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focused on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything

Pain and I have a funny relationship. I've had migraines for nearly all my life (diagnosed at age 9) and so pain, excruciating want to die pain, has been more a part of my life than the average person. For some strange reason I think this has actually caused me to like some kinds of pain. It kinda feels rewarding to endure self inflicted pain , I almost want to shout "I win!" I'm not saying I go around cutting myself or punching myself (that would be altogether weirder than I can handle) but I have a long history of piercing and tattooing my body. I've been quite introspective about my migraines and pain lately, mostly because there is a new blog on the New York Times discussing migraine and issues around it. I think its great that this neurological disease is finally being accepted as a major issue by doctors and the general public, even if I don't always agree with what the bloggers are saying. For instance, several contributors to the NYT blog make it seem as though they are grateful for their migraines, and espouse all the wonderful things resulting from them (ie: the feeling of euphoria, clearheadedness, refreshment, and creativity that often comes after a migraine has successfully ended). I'm sorry, but I'd give that up in an instant if I could just never have a migraine again.

So that's my long winded explanation of my weird relationship with pain. Now why am I discussing this today? Why do I have Trent's wonderful voice singing Hurt stuck in my head?

Because last night I got my rook pierced. I haven't had anything pierced in 8 years and ever since I saw a girl with her rook and conch pierced I've been itching to pierce something. So I did my research and decided to go to Stingray Body Art over in Allston, hoping that I could get Abbey Z since there were so many raving reviews of her online. Just my luck she was there last night. I went by myself since for some reason it HAD to be last night and no one was available to accompany me. Well, its a good thing Abbey was so awesome b/c I did end up getting dizzy when she was putting the ring in. The actual piercing didnt hurt that bad and was quick, its always after that I get the spins. So she sat and chatted with me until I felt better. Also, major props to the studio - they were super clean, everything was autoclaved, and they understand sterility. As in, you change your gloves if you touch something unsterile. So I would def recommend going there for any piercing you are thinking of getting.

Now this would be an awfully boring post if I didnt actually include pictures, right? (:
Here we go, side by side before and after pics of my left ear.

Lovely Day and old ceramic FO's

hey! its been a lovely day! everything is going my way
i had so much fun today and i'm on fire

I've had the Dresden Dolls song Good Day in my head ever since I left the doctor's office this morning. And that's kinda odd for me, having a good day so early and after a visit to the doctor at that! So I just had to share. But I didnt want to keep posting about life only so I finally got around to photoshopping collages of some of the ceramic Raku FO from the first time I tried Raku.
So why is it such a good day? Well, I wore my brand spankin new coat, North Face Apex Bionic, and it rocks. Then, I found out I've lost 8 lbs since starting Byetta in November and my A1c is as low as its ever been so I'm super stoked. I dont think I've ever heard any of my diabetes dr's say "Wow, way to go, good job!" Resolution 2 is all set (just have to keep it up) and Resolution 1 is well on the way. (even despite my friday night drinking habit, or maybe b/c of it?) And its not even March! Have I mentioned I'm on fire?

Speaking of fire, lets talk about Raku. Raku is sooo much fun. You glaze the pots with special, partly dangerous glazes (heavy metals anyone??). Then you pop them into a kiln, and heat it super hot. I'm pretty sure we were doing ours to Cone 06 which is roughly 1800 F. Then you open the kiln while its still hot, take your pieces out using special tongs - and wearing lots of protective gear - so you dont burn yourself or set on fire. Then you put your piece into a metal bin full of combustibles (wood chips, newspaper) and after they set on fire you put a lid on it. oooh Fire! Then you wait for it all to cool off and then clean all the soot off your stuff.
The pieces below are ok. Not super exciting or good, but they gave me an idea of what its all about.





Here we have a small vase with a green crackly glaze on the outside and a white crackly glaze on the inside. I'm not a fan of the green dripping into the white on the inside, but other than that its pretty neat.














Here we have an example where too many different glazes killed the piece. But the flash of color like an oil spot gave me hope of using the one glaze again and trying for that specific effect.
















I think the glaze came out nice on this one despite it being a dumpy looking object. I like the range of green I can get with varying thickness of glaze.























This one is by far my favourite. The color is better than the pictures depict. Its mustard yellow with black cracks. It reminds me of a lion. And I had some fun constructing this sort of wacky combo of a thrown/hand built object so I'm glad the glaze suits it.








Evening edit: day got even better. Moved up to 10 lb free weights today and they didnt strain the neck. Bergeron is back on skates! AND the Bruins shut out the evil Senators tonight 4-0. Oh what a night!

Today is brought to you by the letter: E

Eclipses and Envirosax!
And Photoshop of course.

Well on weds night as I'm sure most of you know there was a lunar eclipse. I missed the last one so I was glad that my Yarners reminded me of this one. Luckily I could see it off the back of my porch. Before I went to see it I decided to try and find the night function I knew was on my camera but just couldn't seem to find myself by trial and error. So I finally gave up and read the manual. And of course I (re)discovered all the other awesome functions for snow, fireworks, beaches, etc that I could have been playing around with all this time. Oh well, better lat than never huh?
Anyway the eclipse was major awesome!

Here are some pictures of the progression of the eclipse. Using the flash on my camera caused the one on the top right to be yellow-ish and without the flash I got the blue-ish glow. Neat huh? The only photoshopping done to these pics is that I cropped them and put 4 together. No sharpening or color enhancement. Pretty good for a basic point and shoot digital camera, I think.







Last night while picking up a copy of the H.R. Giger book on sale at the Booksmith for Ariel (I already had one for myself! Ahh - spending monies!) I broke down and bought an Envirosax. I had seen them several times and finally the guilt of always getting plastic bags at the Booksmith when others were using these little fellas got to me. Oh the guilt. Damn you Brookline and all your conscientiousness! I already have a couple canvas bags that I use to go grocery shopping, but they are pretty bulky and dont fold up small enough to carry around every day. And I often stop at either Trader Joes or CVS or the Booksmith after work and I hate always using more plastic bags. So I guess its a good investment. And trendy. (Ahh - more spending monies!)


You can see that it rolls down into almost nothing and it is super light so it adds almost nothing to the weight of a purse or bag. So now it lives in my bag that I carry to work.
And now I can shop with a little less guilt! Always a bonus!















Although, all this spending monies still hasnt quelled my desires for a new coat and for new funky sneakers. Sigh.

WIP RSI??

So I have been working quite feverishly on my giftie scarf since Andreas's birthday was last friday, and I think I may have a Repetitive Stress Injury to show for my efforts (besides an almost done scarf). My left hand pointer finger knuckle hurts like mad and since there is no visible bruise, and its been hurting since friday when the hardcore knitting began, I think its knitting related pains and not accidental whacking into something pains. So I think to solve this problem I need to knit faster so I can be done with it and move on to a new project (:{
Like a hat for my poor cold head.




Here is the progress as of Saturday. Its actually a lot longer but I couldnt get a good picture of it.


















Speaking of cold body parts and hats, well, ok, speaking of outer clothing, I've decided I need a new coat. My current coats are 5 and 2 years old. And neither are quite appropriate for this new, warmer, winter due to the Global Weirding. The pea coat is more of a "nice" coat and as such I dont want to be wearing it every day. The Columbia coat is for super duper cold weather (the kind we used to have here all winter long) and I've been sweltering and sweating profusely in it. Which, oddly, doesn't stop my forehead and ears from freezing off. I have also come to loathe the Columbia jacket due to purchasing idiocy on my part. I really dont know what kind of drugs I was on when I decided to buy a lavender colored coat in size large. I dont like lavender. I want black. I stick out like a weirdo on city streets in a giant lavender coat. When its too warm to be wearing a giant coat. whine whine and yes i'd like some cheese with it. I also thought I'd need extra room for all those bulky sweaters I'd be wearing except for the fact that it no longer is arctic winter here (well, ok, we still get air streams from the arctic, but they are warmer now) and the coat itself is so damn warm that I cant wear sweaters with it. So its huge for no reason.

So goodbye resolution #5, hello new coat when my tax rebate arrives.

Also, tomorrow I will be saying goodbye to Flat Stanley who was sent to me by Jonathon (sisters-fiances-son) for his kindergarten project. Flat Stan had a good time here in Boston and in Philly and now its time to go back to the Illinois and tell his story to Jonathon's class.



Here is "Pocket Stan" hanging out in his fav spot in my coat.





















One of the neater picts taken of Stan at Trinity Church on a fun day out with Anne.
















Stan at a marker for Elfreth's Alley, the oldest residential street in the USA in Philly.




Bye Stan! Hope you had fun!

the day after

Well, yesterday was my first true test of Resolution #7 and I have to say, I passed with flying colors. Not only did I refrain from opening a bottle of wine (which Always leads to finishing the bottle of wine) but I also refrained from drinking all my beer. In fact, I didn't drink at all.

I did, however, totally wipe out on a patch of ice on my way to the gym, and feel a little pathetic for staying so long at the gym w/ all the muscle dudes (most people were running in and running back out again), so the day wasn't totally awesome. But at least I'm not so pathetic to answer the requisite e-mail from an ex-boyfriend on Valentines. Seriously, if any guys read this, stop e-mailing old flames on Valentines day, esp if you've already emailed them in the past and they no longer answer!! Gah! This time it sounded like he's on some sort of 12-step program and needs to apologize to everyone he may have hurt. It was weird.

Anyhow, in the past couple days I've made major progress on my exchequered giftie so hopefully it will be done soon!

Sneak Peeks

Without internet at home its been hard to find time at work to sneak a post. I am *eventually going to post a long sad story regarding the Endpaper mitts and all their woe, but just like I was procrastinating fixing them and finishing them, I am procrastinating writing that post. But, they ARE FINISHED. Which is a huge accomplishment in and of itself.
As proof, see sneak peek picture below.





Pretty colors distract from the real danger these mitts pose.

















One good thing (among many) to come out of the completion of the Endpaper's is that I've finally gotten my knitting mojo back! For the first time in a long time I actually Want to knit.
And what is it that I'm staying up late to work on lately? Why a scarf giftie. Its a double - knit scarf and I've heavily modified the pattern, but so far its coming along splendidly. Hopefully it will be completede soon and I'll have more FO goodness. After this I'm going to work on some mittens for my sister that I started ~2 years ago and a hat for myself. B/c my poor head is cold.



Checked goodness!



















* A mid Feb update on other life type things:
Had an interview at Drexel Med, I think it went really well. I'll hopefully hear from them in 6 weeks or so.
The weight loss was going well (I had lost 3 lbs since Dec) until this past week where I did a complete 180 and gained it all back. Which nearly sent me to tears in the gym on the scale. After seeing the numbers slowly go down since November it has been heart wrenching to see them inching back up for the past 2 weeks. I really hope I can get back on track and reverse this recent trend. (And no, its not muscle gained. I'm back to not being able to fit in my clothes. And besides I'm not doing any weight lifting right now).
I made an appointment with a physical therapist for my neck and shoulder, hopefully my insurance will decide to cover therapy so I can get back to weightlifting and have less migraine from neck strain.
My Uncle made it through brain cancer surgery and is amazingly not paralyzed. Chemo / radiation will start soon.
Still dont know if it was sepsis or endotoxemia that killed my mice.
Spent some quality time with Amanda who was visiting Boston this weekend and bought some nifty fabric that I hope to one day make into WIP bags.
OK, back to work!